3.01.2010

Shorter Posts...

I've been on T for six months now. It's crazy that I'm passing all the time now at work and most of the time at school. I was in Boston today and every single person addressed me as sir. It was kind of surreal. Anyway, I have a lot of random thoughts but I haven't had much time to compose a topic to write about even though I've been thinking about it for a while.

Anyway, I've been working on this paper about Gender Identity Disorder in children and I came across the quote that really stuck out because it reminded me of, well...me!

Jonah was 2 when his father, Joel, first realized that no amount of enthusiasm could persuade his child to play with balls. Trucks languished untouched. Fire engines gathered dust. Joel says Jonah much preferred girl toys, even his stuffed animals were female.

"Like, I would always say, 'What's that guy's name?' and the response would always be, 'Oh, she's bunny, she's, you know, this or that,'" Joel says. (link)
Every single one of my stuffed animals was a boy. Even my beloved Chuck, who is a bunny wearing pink plaid and used to have make-up before it was loved off. There was one that I acquired later in my childhood (the ripe old age of 10...) that I really wanted. She was a big huge rabbit and had a huge bow on one ear. I had no choice, I couldn't make her a boy because of that bow. Maybe my parents influenced that, I'm not sure.

It is always revolutionary to me when a part of my story falls into the "typical trans narrative." Like anyone, I often question if I'm really trans enough. As my gender variantness is moving from almost total androgyny to effeminate guy, it is sometimes hard to deal with. I'm so used to sticking out and not fitting in. But at the same time, I am so undeniably comfortable when I used to be so undeniably uncomfortable I can't help but know that I'm walking the right path.

2 comments:

Cassie Mulheron said...

There is no such thing as being trans enough. If anyone leads you to believe this then they are full of shit. What is important is if you are comfortable in your own body. I know its hard not to let others opinions affect you. What is most important to you? Passing? Being "normal"? Being unique? Just be you, as you are :)

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